Alfons Vansteenwegen Time and Difference in Marriage (Summary) The experience of time for each partner is original. It differs from that of the other partner. There are differences in processing time, reaction time, desired frequency, the experience of duration, ordering of time, exactness, etc. In order to be able to live together with a partner, one has to do something with these differences. To resolve the difference one first of all has to grasp what is going on. This is an absolute prerequisite in order to come to a workable relationship. When a person makes the difference clear, he or she can solve it through negotiation. In this way a person comes to an agreement in which either a midpoint is sought or one takes turns. Truly communal time in a marriage is an assignment. It is not something that simply comes by itself. It is a result, an achievement of the couple. Simultaneous time doesn’t come by itself from a relationship. It is something that two people working together accomplish. There has to be discussion and foundation work. Just as is so true about everything in a relationship: truly communal time only comes about when partners talk to each other.